Grades. They are the units of measurement by which our public school systems use as proof that students know something about a certain body of knowledge. As the semester gets closer to ending, you are likely having more and more discussions with your student about their grades.
So, what should you do if they bring home a report card or test with a grade that didn’t meet your expectations? In part one of this two-part blog post we examine how to effectively respond to bad grades.
Keep It In Perspective
First, it’s important to keep in mind that your student is so much more than their GPA. Below average grades are not the end of the world. Grades are intended to be a metric of performance in our standardized school system, but are not the only measure of a student’s knowledge.
A popular saying often attributed to Mark Twain is, “I’ll never let schooling interfere with my education.”
That quote brings up an interesting debate. Is school all about getting good grades, or is it about learning? Becoming well-rounded? Getting an education? As adults, we know that “real learning” often happens outside of the classroom. So, it’s helpful to notice and praise the other ways you see your child “succeeding.” Are they patient? Polite? Creative? Funny? Thoughtful? Reflective? Kind? There are many ways for children to be considered “successful.” Grades shouldn’t be our only indicator.
However, with that said, the primary reason for school is to receive some sort of accreditation that proves to people who don’t know you, that you have a minimum set of skills and knowledge to contribute to society. Grades have a role in expressing that, so it is important to take them seriously, but also keep in mind your student’s other strengths.
Don’t Blame or Accuse — Empathize and Reflect
When talking with your student, try to avoid words and language that make them feel defensive. Instead of, “You didn’t study enough and this grade is not what we expect in this house,” try using a softer start-up with phrases like “I noticed” or “I observed.” For example, “I noticed that your chemistry grade was lower than we talked about. What’s going on there?”
This gives your student a chance to explain the feelings they are experiencing and why they might be struggling in school. Often times, fear, embarrassment, and/or frustration are just underneath the surface for many students.
Listen to these emotions with an empathetic ear and reflect back what you are hearing. “It sounds like you are struggling with Chemistry because you feel embarrassed to say you don’t understand and need help? Is that right?”
This approach will help your student feel more understood, less defensive, and will produce more constructive conversations.
Practice Motivational Interviewing
After you have listened and reflected the student’s feelings, try a technique that has been shown to produce effective behavior change for many people, Motivational Interviewing (MI).
MI encourages children to talk about their need for change and their own reasons for wanting to change. Think of it as asking questions to help guide them to come up with ideas for what they are motivated to change in their life to get better grades in school.
Some common questions are below, but you can Google for many more that might apply to your specific situation.
Can you think of any reasons why improving your grades would benefit you?
Tell me about how you prepared for this test. Have you thought about trying some other study techniques?
I hear you that you don’t care about your grades right now. How is that perspective helping you? Are there any exceptions to this perspective? Any times that it’s getting in the way?
What do you think worked well? What didn’t work well? What will you try differently next time?
Teach the Growth Mindset
Every student is different and they all learn in their own ways and at different speeds. A final thing to talk to your student about is the Growth Mindset. In her famous Ted Talk, Angela Lee shows that the most successful people don’t always have the highest IQ, but have the the most perseverance or grit. The most successful students understand that learning is not fixed, and that they can grow and change with effort.